Thursday, September 4, 2008

Fucking hates life

Fucking studied for 2 bloody years. fucking sacrificed everything that has to be. Took initiative. prayed like hell. All the fucking stress all bcuz of this and did not fucking get in while those like hui tian and ten cheer who fucking hardly studied entered. FFUUCCCKKKKKKKKK. And i fucking made 8 careless which i can remember that has more than 15 marks !! fucking hell that's a lot and careless is just unlucky. where the hell is god. they dun pray to him yet i do and they dun work as hard as me and lastly, obviously they dun have as much talent as in do cuz i fucking teach them everything in maths and physics and i didn't fucking get in yet they did. Why do people get what they want with less effort and talent while i do all the hardwork and didn fucking get in. And the fucking reason is most likely the carelessness. >15 marks for fuck sake. And i demonstrated in my previous post, those bloody question are fucking answerable and all i did was some fucking careless which fucking cost my future. My fucking bro gets to RI RJC and NUS and i go to yishun town, a fucking poly or ITE and then a fucking job. And I have more thinking talent than he does cuz he fucking says so. Does being born on friday the 13 affect life that much? or is it hikmah. what fucking hikmah can i get from this. I can safely say that i've studied everthing in O lvls for maths and physics and those are the question that carelessness occur. fucking shit. SO how much i study,mug or sacrifice, my hapless (correct sp) life will just fucking ruin it. Studied maths and science the most and those are the subjects which marks are dropped. WTFFF MANN and the mistakes are unforgivable careless and misjudgement. WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME? FRIDAY THE 13?????????? then shouldn't i just die now? why must i continue suffering? Those girls in my class study by copying down notes even though its all in the textbook and purely memorise them. after memorizing, they'll do assessment to see which information will fit which question. ISN"T THAT JUST DUMB? dumb cuz they are learning through memorizing and not understanding which has no point in it. Unlike them, me and tse pin uses the information from our studies and manipulate them to answer different question which shows intelligence. Memorizing like the girls is sth anybody can do while what we do needs deeper thinking and understanding. but nooooo for all these years, that method (memorizing) pays off more than ours. the reason: simple, my fucking school supports the idea of memorizing by coming out with question and with the answers that only by memorizing, u'll get it correct. Yup, it doesn't test how much u fucking understand, yet how much u've been reading, studying and memorizing. Yet, they say exams in yishun town are to test how intelligent u are instead of how much u memorize. For example "what is our prime minister" "Goh Chok Tong"

Well the answer is wrong, its MR Goh Chok Tong. That's what my fucking school is, even though they know that u understand and know the answer, they what accuracy which can easily be done by memorizing. and since its yishun town, the question dosn't require much thinking and all u have to do is memorize. And these are mistakes we make. then, up till the CT, we change our studying style to memorize yet too understand. So we asked ourself, how can it go wrong now? And the amount of carelessness doubled. WTFF!! IF ur my classmates, u should know since teacher alwayz points my carelessness out. So what's the point of studying now when all those fuckshit wil just shadow my hardworkingness and talent. i dun fuckig care u think i'm bragging or anything but if u've been in my class with me, u'll know. Then there's people like hakiim and hadi(hua min). They dun freaking study much and through luck, they get into good school with good study environment. And me? study liek fuck, prayed and sacrifice... Hapless fate blocks it all. And there, my parent will say, u see dun study enough? See, how erratic ur life is... Friends will, see i tell u, the girls have more chance than you do. Then there's YMC which gave me motivation for the 2 months. Seeing the mature environment there, i thought they'll be one of those lasting friends. yet, session after session, i'm just one nervous wreck standing solitarily in corner. Which too gives me more stress. Yet i keep telling to myself, try harder if not those from yishun town will be ur lasting friends. then, there're people there hating me cuz of internal affairs in my school. then there's this group of people who i made friends with during the first few YMC session just ignore me. wtf is wrong? With the environment in my school plus the luck that i have, there's no point studying. this may even be the end of my dream. fuck it all. Why, does those non-muslim can excel if they dun pray to the right god and yet sayings resonates that studying+praying=success. So do i give up here now? And there's this YMC camp 2morrow. with this condition, my injured ankle, finger and morale, i'll surely make a fool out of myself. and then there's shahid's mom who expect so much from me, his friends and himself. Let those people down. And what can i blame now? What's the mistake? How to avoid carelessness? if i can't even achieve this small goal, what about others? again careless shit. Just tell me what to do now.

ANyway, the next whole shit is a post which i wanted to post weeks ago...

Gonna close this blog soon anyway. fuck it all

First why does getting into nus high means everything to me:

The studying environtment; They are learning stuff through logic and deep understanding. Its then easy for me to understand those stuff that they teach cuz i've been expose to all those stuff since i was small; through books. They will then be tested on how much they understand their stuff rather than how much they have memorized (like what in the NUSH test). While in Yishun Town, the main method of learning is to memorise and if can understand. Thus, the amount of info we absorb is soooo much less as it takes longer to memorise when you dun understand than when you do. Thus my potential will not be maximised. So, i can accomplish more in NUSH than this is is better.

And of course the type of friends that are there. As some of you know of the immature and vain students that study here, they seriously do not encourage good future. The longer i'm in school, the more influenced I'll be. So there are like split personalities of me. While those in NUSH are of those YMC standard where they simply rock. And the irony is they act as if they've seen the whole and they are of those mature standard.

Lastly, NUSH concentrates on my strength (maths & science) and have lesser weightage on my weaknesses (languages) while yishun town concentrates on english (most important subject).
Justice. I've been studying for almost 2 years for this test sacrificing everything that has to be sacrifice like all the time it took me up for elementz, maths olypiad and studying. I took all maths and science courses such and those 2 and PBL to have a better view of my record. Well, i've only shared my sentiments of the hard-work and sacrifices I have to make in order to win a prize in the competition. For example, the main problem is contribution of work is the team. Since Tse pin and I are the ones who needed the award, we were the one who contributed the most, or nearly everything which then frustrates us. If we did not succeed (and we did not in a certain way), it could only be blamed on those who didn't contribute much and they dun give much of a damn cuz the marks weren't urgent to them. So, to maximise our chanced of winning, we had to sacrifice nights and weekends to complete the year long competition.

Then, the hours i spent studying for the topics that NUSH has learnt as surely, they wouldn't test stuff that even their student wouldn't know. And because i'm in yishun town, there's a lot to catch up. Did a lot of reading and recording from books and stuff. Understanding, if not memorising then understanding, formulas and techniques. Studying physics and maths, doing practices that we (me and tse pin) requested from teachers and have been going through lots and lots of emo stuff which against my erm policy?